I’ve been judging my face a lot lately. Something I despise to do since it’s a part of me. Albeit I hate to declare that or being self-absorbed in it, I always think of the importance of this part to communicate, if anything, the most important of all.

For a long time I thought if I made a perfunctory effort, my skin will be in the best condition. For a long time, I thought this what it is, my skin was glowing without doing anything expect clean/ moisturize it every night, sometimes every other night. I thought I was born with good genes or something, I thought I was one of those people.

I clearly remember that I was well on my way to grow old. But since I’m more close to the road of my thirties than my mid-twenties, 27 and 4 months to be exact. I started to build that thought in my head: I’m getting older and my skin looks shittier by day. I feel like my cheeks are not in their normal place with two lines on each side that I know anyone can not peer. My dark circles officially digging holes under my eyes. My forehead wrinkles that I never had a single problem with since I noticed them when I was 15, are deeper than ever. I never had a jawline but why do I care now?

I never took that much care to my face so why should I be surprised?

Maybe I started to do that when I started to have a clear vision of my bright future that I wanna get in with the best possible self. So now and I’ve concerns that I’ll be the only one who’ll look 28 next PFW season at the age of 28. Maybe because all I see on my Instagram page are people who are in their 30’s that actually look immaculately 25? I don’t know what’s right or wrong, fake or real, and sometimes I absolutely have no atoms on my body to care, Sometimes I do! So what I know now is, I never really actually cared about my skin.

I never cared and that hit me in the face in my 27.

But what is caring because as far as cleaning your face, moisturizing it with a little act of face circulation, doing cheap sheet masks and a scrub every now and then counted as caring then I do fully care.

But again, what about anti aging routines? What about a 9 steps night routine, or another 15 at morning, building up stuff on top of another and give it 2 minutes between each step to let it in while you’re dancing? This is not me, I never did that my whole life. Not that I won’t do that now if that’s what it takes.

That only leaves me browsing Into the Gloss. A site that I’m not addicted to, but my only source for beauty information. I began to search for things like: Face lifting without surgery, what could possibly make my face pumped up with a smoother texture and more defined cheeks. You know those cheeks that appear on one’s face even when they not laughing? Yes honey, that’s called fillers, and I don’t like to think of that at this age or even ever.

I started opening some top shelves of girls I love, about the same age as mine, with a very natural face, to my eyes at least. The more shelves I read the more I start thinking that it’s not about your face as much as the care you give yourself and your body, because seriously if anyone considered me to do a top shelf it’d be just like that:

Hair: I wash my hair with herbal essences and condition it, it always smells great but never gives me the shine that I aim for, do you have any recommendations!? When I remember I have hair, I like to go for beachy waves to give it a movement, but again it never holds its shape or texture (please introduce me to some products). I used to love to leave it curly but I’m not in the mood for that anymore. I’m considering doing bangs now, yes, again, because that would make me style it more. Our on and off relationship made us both so exhausted.

Body: After reading some shelves, realizing how one approaches her body, I remembered that everything comes from within. And since I eat like shit, I sleep like shit, I smoke whenever I want to, I never drink water —like one glass during the whole day. I play tennis twice a week now! Which makes think that I can reward myself more with junk food and desserts!… I’ll skip body skin talk now.

That made me stop for a moment, if I want the full act from my face and body in that age, why I’m not living a different lifestyle since I know that this isn’t working for me?

Skin: I only wash my face when I feel like it needs to be washed, don’t take that the French way. I moisturize with Glossier primer moisturizer every now and then. However, I feel great when I use it regularly, but I’m so lazy to do that. I have a normal skin with an oily T zone. Now I have hormonal breakouts all over my chin and they say keep moisturizing it so that’s what I’m doing now. I’ve always been thinking about face yoga and always get back to this woman because I love her holistic approach to the whole thing. I wanna start doing that regularly. I really feel I’m so ignorant of the whole beauty field when people comment on the ITG with all acids, retinoids and vitamins talk. I don’t even know when should I use a serum!? Wait, I just read that, apparently, all the time, day and night before you moisturize! Now all I need to know is what a serum does for the face.

Makeup: I don’t do makeup at mornings but I use my DIY Rosé cream blush for a fresher look. If I’ll go out and wanna feel good about my face, I fleek on the Glossier Boy Brow, paint the Haloscope on wanted area, sometimes all over the face. Pat Chanel foundation on the dark areas on my face and Revlon deep red balm as a blusher on cheeks —I attribute that to mom and her sister doing the same act I recall when I was 5 and I never not done that to feel sexy. I noticed that I only take selfies when I’m with my makeup on. It’s not a bad or good thing, it’s just I never glow without makeup except when I’m laughing —I believe that’s one of my best features. But what about those selfies with strong looks through the camera that makes your features glow without making any effort ( I believe this is the act of the serum ha)? I’m so bad at this that I make myself laugh when I do it. It’s just not me but sometimes I post it anyway for fun.

I wanna teach myself about the things that matter to my body first to be able to talk about my face second. I wanna benefit from the skin care products at this age now because it’s a chance to see the best of now (and who wouldn’t like that). If I’m really into the firmer, softer, glowier skin, then I should start. I don’t want to halt the process of aging but doing it as gracefully as I can is a good challenge I’m willing to take while enjoying the damn it.

Any recommendations will be in my shopping bag instantly.