improved self

Counting Down Thoughts

30 Dec 2016

People are so excited about the new year ahead of them! They long for the new, fresh start, they start to make resolutions, spending the best holiday on earth, because this is the time of their life, and its all about, not right now, but when the countdown begin, and the very near future after that.

On the other side of the world

Ahhh, damn, I dislike what’s happening now. I don’t feel like I want to go out. my sister insists on taking us to dinner to celebrate the new goals that we are sure now of achieving on 2017. And I’m torn in between, between let me just sleep tonight and I kinda need this fresh air anyway.

30 Dec2016-ish

The excitement is over the place, but it’s not contagious, I didn’t feel it, I want the fresh start too but I can do this right now right? Why do I have to start the next year? Sometimes, I just don’t get this whole resolutions thing.

On the other side of the world

We didn’t go out. Something came up and we had to cancel, the world can take control in lots of times that no matter how you tried to achieve those expectations, it simply won’t happen. So staying home for us this day, this NYE party ain’t gonna happen.

The countdown

3, 2, 1! Firework my ass.

On the other side of the world

I started counting thoughts that brought me down, 7… 2016 was not my year…. 6… I had no real achievements in 2016, 5… no boyfriend, 4… no real income from the blog since I can’t remember, 3… no travels… 2… gained weight… 1… I looped in the worst feelings… !!happppyyy newwww yearrrrr!!

It wasn’t the best feeling of all, I wasn’t alone but I felt lonely and helpless, so lonely that I couldn’t think of anyone to spend those minutes with, even if someone popped in my mind at this time, you feel like it won’t matter because 1. I’m not that interested in anyone enough to regret this move the next morning, 2. They probably living the best NYE party now and who am I to take that away from them ha!

The fresh start wasn’t fresh, it was suffocating, maybe because I wasn’t acting fresh from the start and the world responded to my wishes. I joked about it; that maybe that’s the best year yet to come because you’ve never felt this shitty on any NYE before. I wanted to recoil all the feelings but I had to face it, I had to, I have to…

The next morning, 1st day of 2017

I joined the group to wish all the world a happy new year and introducing my free calendar to my IG followers, I won’t think of last night as a very bad introduction to a book I won’t wanna read now, that’s absurd anyway right! I woke up this morning with the feeling of it’s the 1st of a new year, a chance to change that stupid mind.

I wanted to set goals, change my plans, to do whatever it takes to make this vision that I’m always writing about, dreaming about, visualizing become true-to-life, I have to work harder if I don’t wanna feel the same as last night again, but that all didn’t get into me.

I felt that this isn’t the case, I resolved to love myself more.

That’s it. No no not like that. I mean, Love. it.

I’m talking this real love that you feel for someone, not anyone, that only one. You admire the person for what he/she is, you even love the flaws of him/her; you see them as the perfect damn thing, you forgive them no matter what; you feel complete with them, you can absolutely do anything for that person to be happy and secure; you want to give them heaven, you put them first and you care about how they feel all the time. I’m talking that kind of love. Only for self this time, myself, yourself.

If I believe in resolutions which I don’t, that would be it.

2nd day of 2017

I feel the freshness. I feel that excitement of knowing a new person and spending some time with. In this case, it’s like an old friend you now see in a whole different angle. You fell deeply in love with this person, your friendship is solid than ever now. I’m smiling now just because of this improved self that I’m building a relationship with now every day.

3rd day of 2017

I want to notorious this self. I want to do these whole improvements to it, I want to read books, discover new music, and read books again. Spend time with myself, did you ever thought of this self as another person inside of you, not in a crazy way but think of the words and you’ll get me. Because, after all, this is you, I don’t want to change who I am, it’s the same principles, same values, but with an improved mind, that is ready to assimilate forever and pay back.

I feel that this year is gonna be ours after all.

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